Sunday, October 24, 2010

Brains... Brains...

In the past I have tried to help you guys out by explain how to tell if someone you know is a werewolf and how to cure them of it.  Today, I thought I would try to help you out for when the zombie invasion comes around.  What to do?

First, let's do a quick analysis of zombies.  Mythological, zombies come from voodoo and the fear here is not undead beings walking around eating brains.  Here is the typical scenario in a remote voodoo village.  Some dude dies.  Everybody sees that he is dead.  He is cold.  He is not breathing.  He has no heart beat.  So, they bury this guy.  The next day, his burial site has been dug up and you see him walking around.  Only, he is not quite like he used to be.  Instead he is zoned out and is serving the local priest.  The fear here is that even in death, one cannot escape a life of servitude and slavery.  Some scientists that the priest uses poison from a puffer fish is used to make the victim appear dead.  The priest then digs the "corpse" up. The victim's brain at this point is so damaged that it can only do simple tasks and does not recognize anyone.

Zombies, however, have evolved in culture to be flesh eating zombies.  We, of course, wish to be prepared, so you can go out and buy the book: Zombie Survival Guide.  But for all of you cheapskates out there, you can go online at: for a free guide.  The free guide has some words of wisdom that I will pass on to you here:

"You might be squeamish at first, taking out your neighbors; with time this will pass, you might even adopt a gleeful hangman's sense of humor in your executions."

"I know this sounds obvious, but don't sit around waiting for grandma to bite you."
"I don't know if zombies are edible, but that's a possibility if things get rough. It's not really cannibalism, is it?"
"Helmets are a good idea too, but anything other than motorcycle helmets would look dorky, and I'd rather be a zombie than a dork with a pail on my head."
This goes on for about 50 pages.  Basic summary, be prepared, find a Wal-mart, secure it, kill all zombies.
To wrap up, here is a very cool mock trailer for a Marvel Superheroes Zombie film.  Comics AND zombies.  How can you go wrong?


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