Friday, November 21, 2008

I Feel Pretty Crappy About This

I'm all flushed because I forgot to celebrate World Toilet Day, which was November 19th.  I think it only fair that we take some time to look at the mythological implications of this.

To do so, I am going to give you the description of one of the three goddesses of toilets in Chinese mythology.  I found Zi Gu on God Checker, which I highly recommend as a web site for anyone who likes mythology.  

ZI-GU: Goddess of Toilets. 

One of the LAVATORY-LADIES, she started out as the beautiful wife of an actor during the Tang Dynasty. All was good until a high-ranking minister named Li-Jing fell in love with her, killed her husband, and took the unfortunate ZI-GU to be his mistress. 

His wife was insanely jealous. One day, while 
ZI-GU was taking what can only be described as a delicate pee, Li-Jing's wife leapt out from behind a pile of toilet paper and murdered her in cold blood. 

From that moment, Li-Jing's lavatory was haunted by the ghost of his ex-mistress. Strange spooky noises emanated from the closet at all hours, and even the most stout-hearted visitor would cross his legs and wait till he got home. 

When the news got out, Empress Wu, concerned for the kidneys of her top minister, blessed the ghost of 
ZI-GU and elevated her to Godly status. The haunting of the lavatory immediately ceased. (We believe this kind of exorcism is known as a Royal Flush.) 

The grateful spirit of 
ZI-GU ascended to Heaven and the toilet was safe to use once more. Life went back to normal. But Li-Jing's wife was never able to eat roughage again. 

As Goddess of Toilets, 
ZI-GU appears in the form of a beautiful contemplative woman, her lower body wrapped discreetly in clouds. This soothing image is a far cry from the typical Chinese hole in the ground, but that's mythology for you. 

Perhaps due to the thoughtful navel-gazing which takes place in the bathroom, 
ZI-GU is also known as the Goddess of Spirit Writing. She inspires mediums with messages from the Astral Plane. That's why mediums never take a newspaper into the bathroom. No need for a crystal ball. 

ZI-GU's favorite color is purple. This would seem to be the ideal choice when it comes to decorating the bathroom. However, as we know from experience, purple lavatory paper is almost impossible to get hold of.


Anonymous said...

LMAO! That was absolutely hilarious... Never heard of that! Who would have thought? Are they for real... LOL ;) Seriously? Are they??? How funny...

Mark Alford said...

It's true. I saw a reference to it earlier when they were talking about how China was getting ready for the Olympics. There are three goddesses of the bathroom in all!

Anonymous said...

Hahaha... BTW thanks for the heads up re the shadow dancers.. I'm gonna post a clip! It's creative genius.